His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
