i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
