Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
