Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
