wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
