oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
