I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
