It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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