he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
