I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
