My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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