I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
