I faked an abortion last night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
