I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
