i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
