Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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