Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
