I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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