Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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