someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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