DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
