am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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