just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My vagina is officially offended.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
