You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
