So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
