I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
