everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
PANTIES FOUND
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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