I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
