We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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