Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
