I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
