You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
