But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
