Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
