The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
