I hate all girls vehemently.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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