he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
