I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
