My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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