you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
