I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
