She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
