i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
