are you still at the devil's house?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
