I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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