i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
