The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
