yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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