I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
