He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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