ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
As shirtless as possible
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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