I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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