Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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