there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Houston, we have a squirter
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
