I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
